And it all falls down again....

So I just got the phone call that my Grandpa is falling fast...

I am about to start packing and make another wayward trip back to my hokey poke hometown and hopfully make it back in time before he goes..

I just have to sort these thoughts out before I do go because I am so abstract and disorganized at the moment.

I really ask myself is this a sign from God that I shouldn't be in college?

So far my first year at SPSU has been a complete total and utter nightmare.

From horrible math teacher, finanical aid starting all kinds of hell, shitty room mate, bed bugs, throwing away a lot of my personal property, and now a possible loss of one of my favorite family members.

Serioulsy, can a white man get a break?

Still through it all I have straight A's, near perfect attendance, and an set nerves formed of adamantium.

Its almost like a coy and cold touch to my conscience the amount of things that have gone on. I hate headaches and I hate disruption of the natural order of things. Most people would love this as an excuse to get out of class but, I hate it. I actually enjoy class for the most part and I want to learn and achieve new heights of intelligence and knowledge.

I am truly teetering on the edge right now, I have not yet lost faith in myself or my abilities.

I just really want a small break, a small miniscule amount of time to kick back and relax for a few moments. A reprieve if you will from this hurricane and turmoil that has become my life.

I guess you can take the good with the bad and look at this as a way of becoming stronger, its always darkest before dawn you know !

Is this god preparing me for the real world? Its almost a coy though, God, that is...because I usually do not believe in him but, is this some type of test from some higher power to see how far my nerves and will power can go?

I would really love to have an answer for all of this maelstrom of emotions, stress, xannax, and my sanity.

I am going to end this now so I can get ready to take one of the longest drives in my life..and I will end it with a proverb.....

"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."